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28 December 2012 @ 02:04 am
Hello everyone! I hope you all had some fantastic Christmas times with your family and friends and that Santa was good to you :]  I figured I update so irregularly that a christmas post was the least I could offer my future self when she goes through this journal and realizes large swaths of my life are missing xD  Especially since my memory has been crap lately due to bad sleeping caused by night terrors.  It's the best! XD

Under a cut as I don't know how long this might be!Collapse )

Happy new years to all of you! <3

P.S. IF ANY OF YOU WATCH ROOSTERTEETH / RAGEQUIT, Michael proposed to Lindsay last night!  AUGsuo\yfduydvfuodfyg I have never been so happy for two people I have never met. <3 <3 <3 Tumblr has been nothing but adorable pics of them since <3
10 November 2012 @ 01:39 pm
Last night I went to a Hotel party at this big hotel downtown.  It was Tom and Chad's birthday party, so Chad and I got a bedroom and Tom and his girlfriend got the other.  And it was so much fun, omg.  Tom's sister made a Pennywise head pinata xD  But what  I want to post to remember is that firstly, there is a whole season of Archer that I have not seen and I require seeing this season, and secondly, as we were standing on the balcony with a couple of friends, watching the cops take away drunk people from a bar below us, Chad pulled me close and told me I was his perfect woman and that he loved me more than anything, and it just made my heart swell up so big.  Good thing it was dark cause I think I'd like to pass on seeing my face match my hair xD /redhead
04 November 2012 @ 02:32 pm
So things have been pretty bad here on the home front lately.  I went off my antidepressants a while ago, and it just snuck back up and tackled me to the ground xD  It's only when I am left alone.  I've had a really hard time lately with friends.  People just aren't interested in visiting, and I never get invited out to anything.  Like, ever.  Like, I can't think of the last thing I was invited to.  I get invited to parties because I am with Chad.  MAAAAAN the last party I went to was terrible.  I tried to make friends.  Really really tried, and I crashed and burned and spent most of the time sitting alone in a chair because the 3 or more times I tried to talk to someone, they either walked away or flat out ignored me to my face.  And the previous party I tried to talk to people at, even people I knew, and I spent like, 3/4 of the night sitting on the roof staring at the stars. SO.  Idk. I'm tired of trying and trying to get people's attention, and failing no matter how I do it or how hard I try.  And work is terrible because it's a souless place where people go to die.  AHAHHAHAHA.  Okay, so it's a call center where I am now the youngest person and the next youngest is in their 50's.  SO I have no one to talk to and spend 8 hours a day playing spider solitaire because they won't even let us have books.  And when I dressed up as American McGee's Alice last wednesday and went into work all excited and happy because, srsly, why would someone make someone else unhappy on Halloween? And I love cosplay, so I thought I would have a great day, but I was the only one in costume, really, as everyone else just wore like, at ears or a devil's tail, and they all felt the need to point out how silly I looked for going all out.  It did not end well, and has only gotten worse as time goes on.  If I am not dead by Dec 5th, I am putting in my 2 weeks notice so I have Chistmas off, because they want me to work noon-8 on Chistmas eve, so fuck them.

BUT BUT BUT.  I am hoping, maybe, things can get better, because I applied to school last week for January and was accepted!  I mean, my family doesn't care because it's college, not university, and they don't approve, and I don't have any friends to celebrate with, but... idk.  It's really the only thing I have to look forward to, so I'm hanging onto this as a last-chance thing.  

I'm going for a two year program in Computer Programming!  So like, C++ and PHP and idk all the other languages.  I WILL BE AN INTERNET WIZARD.  It also has the option for a paid co-op in the second year, which I would love to have as it would be experience to put on a resume.  And I was worried because my cousin Shaun did a 4 year Game Dev course and can't find a job, but apparently software programming has a huge amount of jobs open right now, which I could apply for.  And, I mean, computers aren't exactly going to die down anytime soon, so I'm hoping this will actually be a helpful course to take.  If I successfully pass that and enjoy doing it, I might take another course to be stronger at my programming. AND if computers go crazy and try to attack us all via SKYNET, I could hlp... somehow.. probably? xD

IDK, it's all I really have to look forward to, so it's what I am excited about these days.  :]
29 August 2012 @ 02:52 pm
So the last time I posted was.... February.  HAHA.  /fail

Life is pretty okay.  I mean, it's never perfect, and there are highs and lows, but it's at a steady okay right now.  Chad and I have been living together for a year yesterday, and are technically common law, which really made me panic because I don't like being forced into things xD  But I wasn't moving out because I'm happy living here with him.  Our apartment is beautiful, 15 sotries up and we can see the Gatineau hills in Quebec from out Ottawa apartment.  Ottawa is so full of TREEEES, man.  Everything's green and summer is my favourite time to sit on the balcony with people and chill.

Which I have been doing a lot more lately!  A couple weeks ago, I went to a big party that Chad dragged me to, and despite knowing everyone there, they essentially ignored me.  So I ended up sitting on a roof and watching the stars most of the night.  But it really shocked me how rude everyone was because maybe I don't go out as often as them because maybe I've been between jobs and can't afford it.  And also because I don't like big groups, I guess.  Anyways, I spent the night with Chad, Jess and Mark, and we all just sat around and talked, and it was wonderful.

A few nights ago we were invited to another big party just out of town, and I sent Chad off on his own and invited Jess for a sleepover!  We've been hanging out with Jess a lot more which is awesome, because she's really chill, and if we just want to read books in the same room, both of us are okay with that.  We had a huge long talk about the last party, and jess was like 'The guys blame you for taking Chad away' to which I responded that I had done nothing but throw him out of the apartment on multiple occasions to see them.  I encourage him to visit, he just doesn't want to because his friends are becoming drunkards and assholes.  Idk, he came home later that night and hung with us, so xD  Jess says our apartment is the happiest place on earth, and later this week, she's coming over and cooking us dinner, so that's awesome! :D   Idk, I was happy that someone else told me I wasn't going crazy.  Jess says repeatedly that Chad and I are very kind and she's alway happy around us cause we're not a PDA couple.  So she was pretty angry when she heard how the guys always ignore me, and told me I don't deserve that, and idk.  It made me feel better because i had been feeling like a failure for not mixing right.

But then Friday we had a gamer party and dressed up in costume, and had a bunch of our guy friends over and some of chad's school friends, and I get along with all of them AMAZINGLY.  Like Chris, who runs our Minecraft Server, invited us out to hang with his friends and stuff, so I know now that it's NOT me that's the problem, it's them and their shady little group that don't want me involved, and I have come to be okay with that because I have better friens than them :]

I work at Davis and Henderson now, which is a call center, which sucks, but I can read between calls and stuff, but only approved books.  So i actually read all of the God of Mars series, and 20,000 Leagues under the sea, and the Mysterious Island, and Robin hood and Brother's Grimm and this has all been within three weeks xD  It has a good health plan though, and good benefits, and is guarenteed 40 hours a week and the bus is right outside my front door.  So while I am planning to escape in the future for school, I think I'm okay there for now, as boring as it may be.  At least everyone's really nice, which is not what I can say for Home depot or Additionelle xD

KITTEN!  ALSO!  KITTEN!  My grandparents found a 3 day old black kitten in their garage and my brother has been tending to it since then and it's healthy and growing big!  My mom was going to take it to the humane society, as the rest of the litter had apparently been taken there by a neighbour the day before [the momma cat had moved the black one], but the humane society said they would just put it down because it was so young, so my family cared for it instead.  The name is a toss up between Zoey and Pixel, and both are adorable x3


I apologise for not puttiing this under a cut xD I realize my error now.  I'm trying to think if there's anything else I should post about, because I haven't posted since february, and I never want to forget some things.

Oh!  Oh my birthday in June, I had the most amazing night ever.  Chad took me out to the comedy club, and then we went back to his parent's place because they were out of town, and we got in their heated saltwater pool, and he gave me piggyback rides and we watched the stars together <3  It was so wonderful.  We had the most amazing sex, and then ended up playing Munchkin and watching a Scanner Darkly.  ksdglaygsal this boy drives me wild in the best of ways.  I can legitimately see a future with him; we've never had a fight, and when one of us does something the other doesn't like, we just talk it out like adults and usually end in tickle wars.  He's amazing around kids, and is excited to finish school for Multimedia Development and Photography, which is is passionate about.  I always feel silly when he takes pictures of me, but he's too cute to say no x3  And they always come out really pretty x3  We're doing a photoshoot next weekend in my Alice outfit at the hedge gardens at the college.  I'm really excited.

Also Anime North! I went as Danerys and it was terrible as the con was so disorganized, but the last day I organized a Zelda photoshoot and there was an amazing Groose and everyone was really nie and I was Aqua so they called me Master Aqua and I let everyone have an opinion and everyone told me I did an awesome job, so i left the con feeling much better than I had expected to. AND my dad showed up!  In costume from Iron Sky!  For the first time EVER! I wish it had been a better con for his first time 

Also, that money thing from last post had been right - somehow I hd missed a month of rent at my last apartment, which was 1000 dollars a month,but it's already paid off and moved on, so that makes me feel awesome too.  I can't think of anything else so here's another picture of something I'll decide when I browse my photos xD

25 January 2012 @ 12:35 am
Just a quick something I have noticed, and I would assume other LJer's have as well, but the ljsta journal has mysteriously disappeared!  Maybe this is because of the terrible, terrible idea of putting that equally bad article on the front page.  I can't believe they actually thought that was a good idea.

For those who don't know, ljstaff posted an article about how LJ was 'making a comeback.'  In this article, after I read it, I got this general message: 'LJ staff are working to make changes to bring in new customers, and if the 'small but loyal fanbase' has problems with it, they'll have to deal.'  Many other LJ'ers have thought this as well, and are a little peeved that without this fanbase, LJ would have died with myspace.  So many, it seems, that ljstaff has closed their account.

I want people's thoughts, but all I've gotten in communities has been ranting, and I actually wouldn't mind an honest opinion, so i posted here, cause I know my friendslist is pretty damn smart :]
21 January 2012 @ 01:42 am
I have had a shitty few weeks. I've had to drop out for a semester and money is scary tight and I was off my meds andxbsksownxjdksos. But right now I am laying in bed next to the man I love in our beautiful apartment. <3

Also, we spent like, an hour running around in Skyward Sword playing the harp like a douchebag and running circles around Moblins xD
12 January 2012 @ 11:10 pm
HEY EVERYONE. I can't stop awwing at this.  Dying of cute. This will be what I look at when I am sad xD

25 October 2011 @ 03:29 pm
Today has been a good day so far.  Chad and I wore our Batman shirts, and he walked me to class :]  And we were supposed to draw our classmates for our inclass, so i drew a fat dragon protecting a princess in a tower as it's attacked by a knight on horseback.  I feel my teacher will definitely know which students in the class are in my picture.  By which I mean fuck the assignment, I drew a dragon!

I've been on anti-depressants for almost three weeks now and have only contemplated suicide about half that time xD  Kidding, just really bad timing to start new meds.  I went home to belleville last weekend, and found out my cat had a flea bath that caused liver failure.  As far as I know, he's pulling through, but it's still 50/50 right now.  The vet bill is at 600 dollars.

Then I found out my brother wants to be a music teacher, which was my dream job, but my family told me no.  Apparently though, it's perfectly fine for him to be one if he'd like.  Which crushed my heart.

Then I found out I left my return train ticket on the bus, and apparently ViaRail can't do reprints, so I had to buy a new ticket, and money is tight as it is.  

THEN I had to go say goodbye to my Horsie, Tiger.  He's too old, and Michelle, who boards him for me, suggested putting him down, as winter would be too hard and he'd probably die alone, cold in his stall.  I put it off and put it off, until I burst into tears while driving the car, and went out to see him.

It was a baaaaaaad weekend xD

But Chad came home between classes today and we had a tackle war about who was actually the Batman.

I am Batman.
13 October 2011 @ 10:54 pm
Firstly, awesome thank you to Mellie for calming my fears a little about anti-depressants.  I'm on something, I don't remember what brand.  But they'll take me off of them after the depo is out of my system!

What I meant to post about it small.  I stepped on a sewing needle today.  Hard.  It went about an inch into my foot, and I just stared at it for a minute before the pain hit me.  I hunched over and started hyperventilating - I'm hemophobic, but only with my own blood.  So Chad came running over and pulled it out, and I instinctively grabbed at my foot as if i could protect it xD Instantly blood came pouring out and pooled into my hand.  I panicked and let it all fall on my carpet [which btw, how do I get blood out of a carpet?]

He made me sit down on a stool and I wasn't allowed to look at it, and made sure I was paying as little attention to the blood on my hands as possible.  After a minute, while he gathered the polysporin and bandaids, I calmed down and remembered the first aid my dad taught me XD  We cleaned it with an alcoholic swab, which burned, then put the cream on, which burned, and then the transformers bandaid xD then he carefully cleaned the blood off my feet, and took me to the bathroom to clean my hands.

I was both impressed and overwhelmed. <3 

My foot burns like a bitch.
04 October 2011 @ 10:22 pm
So!  Short short short.  I keep meaning to make the stupid apartment post and i keep failing cause this place is a damn mess ALL THE TIME.  But a quick update is that I have been having negative side effects to my Depo Provera [Birth Control shot] which was accompanied by headaches, dizziness, constant tiredness, and bleeding for a damn month straight.  I am also taking Vitamin D pills because apparently the shot causes bone density loss.  Thanks, Doc.  

The point of this post, however, is that a new side effect appeared two weeks ago.  I have been having terrible mood swings and they're completely irrational.  I love where I am in life, and who I am sharing it with, and what I am doing with it.  But randomly, I start raging for no reason, or crying for no reason and I can't stop.  The doctors have decided 'LOL, U GOT CHEMICAL DEPRESSION' which means I have to go on Anti-Depressants.  Essentially, my brain has stopped producing the chemicals that make me happy.  And I spent a whole day last week just crying in my apartment non-stop, but while it's happening, I am thinking 'this is dumb.  This is irrational.  Stop' and I can't, and it's terrifyyyyiiiiiiing.

Now, seeing as I am already greatly enjoying the side effects from one medication, I don't wish to partake in anti-depressants cause they have a HUGE list of side effects.  SO!  If you lovely ladies have any ideas as to how to keep this under control, or advice if you have had antidepressants or ANYTHING, I would be grateful. <3 <3 <3